No offense, but ...
There’s currently a well-worn thread at VolleyTalk entitled “Why Florida Will Never Win a Championship,” the purpose of which, no doubt, was to bunch the collective undies of Gator Nation. Hey, good fun is good fun. Don’t let me spoil the party. But it also set me to thinking about how every program -- even the great programs like Florida -- seem to have a knock against them. These aren’t my knocks, mind you. Ask anyone. I am generally a knockless guy. These are just the brickbats sure to be chucked, without the slightest provocation, by the dyspeptic masses. Dyspeptic and armed with brickbats, apparently.
Don’t believe me? Howzabout:
Nebraska -- The Huskers can’t sneak past the Pac10 in the NCAAs. They are, consequently, the elephant wandering through the tournament minefield. 2006 was an aberration because they were playing at home -- and don’t start with that “Qwest Center ain’t home” BS. And, for good measure, let’s never forget that 0-2 timeout. What was he thinking?! Nor the infamous phantom handshake. What was she thinking?!
Stanford -- The Cardinal, which is a color and not a bird, nor is it some religious dude in a funny hat who hopes somebody dies and makes him Pope, ... where the hell was I? Oh, right. The Cardinal win because they have the pick of the nation’s best players year after year. They are the friggin’ Yankees of women’s volleyball. Besides that, they should win, and are monumental flops if they don’t.
Penn State -- The Lions practice the Heimlich Maneuver more often than blocking footwork. As the noted philosopher Ray Nitschke once said, “What does not destroy me, makes me strong -- and then we beat the crap out of Penn State in a Regional.” Does anyone really believe decent volleyball is played east of the West Coast?
Florida -- The Gators can’t win the “big one.” While they often show up for the big dance, they’re always wearing snowshoes and earmuffs. There’s usually some swipe at female coaches in there, too, while Nick Cheronis dashes off scot-free. Or with his scots less than a pocketful anyhow.
Texas -- The Longhorns can’t even win the “little one,” let alone the “big one.” Sure, Jerritt could persuade an Eskimo to wear a Speedo at an igloo-warming party, but where are the results on the court?
Hawai’i -- Where to start? The Wahine haven’t won since Disco was all the rage. The island, AKA “paradise”, is both an advantage and a disadvantage. They reap the benefits of their homecourt edge during the regular season only to freeze up like a Speedo-wearing Eskimo at an igloo-warming party in the NCAAs
UCLA -- The Bruins are another once proud program whose sun has long since slid below the horizon. They are also the most consistently over-rated team in DI volleyball. They are, in fact, the MicroSoft Windows of the sport: flashy looking, but sure to crash at an inopportune moment.
USC -- The Trojans -- sorry, the Ladies of Troy -- never would have won those titles without (a) Elliott’s recruiting and/or (b) Mick’s shady connection to the USAV Junior Volleyball program. And what a terrible neighborhood! And where are the fans? And how come football gets everything??
Wisconsin -- Who knows where the Badgers would be had Cook not found the grass greener and the Red just a little more attractive in Lincoln? They provide Penn State with some decent competition, but what have they done for anyone lately besides thump Hawai’i in 2004?
Washington -- The Huskies swipe the best players from other programs and then say “Who? Me?” Or they bend the rules to allow 25-year-old pros to play. They made a Faustian bargain for that title, dammit, and payback’s going to be a bitch.
Minnesota -- The Gophers success was thanks to Heffernan. No, Busse. No, Gentil. No, it was Boos. Whatever. Hebert’s fire may still burn, but more than likely we’re talking about a bad case of indigestion from watching his team. Regardless, all you can really say for them is that they aren’t the Badgers. What kind of praise is that?
Long Beach State -- The 49ers are the 40-year-old former high school star athlete. Is that Springsteen singing “Glory Days”? It must be the Curse of the Pointy Gym.
So what was my point, you may well ask. Well, you be the judge. Do I hope, by airing all this smelly laundry of negativity, to somehow preempt additional filth being tossed at these fine programs? Maybe I hope we can all concentrate instead on the beauty of our beloved sport, hold hands around the campfire, and sing “Kumbaya” until more people see what we see? I might even make S’mores?
Or was this just an exercise in stealth snarkiness, a cowardly way for (R)uffda! to go all cantankerous in his blog?
I can’t believe you’d think such a thing!
Don’t believe me? Howzabout:
Nebraska -- The Huskers can’t sneak past the Pac10 in the NCAAs. They are, consequently, the elephant wandering through the tournament minefield. 2006 was an aberration because they were playing at home -- and don’t start with that “Qwest Center ain’t home” BS. And, for good measure, let’s never forget that 0-2 timeout. What was he thinking?! Nor the infamous phantom handshake. What was she thinking?!
Stanford -- The Cardinal, which is a color and not a bird, nor is it some religious dude in a funny hat who hopes somebody dies and makes him Pope, ... where the hell was I? Oh, right. The Cardinal win because they have the pick of the nation’s best players year after year. They are the friggin’ Yankees of women’s volleyball. Besides that, they should win, and are monumental flops if they don’t.
Penn State -- The Lions practice the Heimlich Maneuver more often than blocking footwork. As the noted philosopher Ray Nitschke once said, “What does not destroy me, makes me strong -- and then we beat the crap out of Penn State in a Regional.” Does anyone really believe decent volleyball is played east of the West Coast?
Florida -- The Gators can’t win the “big one.” While they often show up for the big dance, they’re always wearing snowshoes and earmuffs. There’s usually some swipe at female coaches in there, too, while Nick Cheronis dashes off scot-free. Or with his scots less than a pocketful anyhow.
Texas -- The Longhorns can’t even win the “little one,” let alone the “big one.” Sure, Jerritt could persuade an Eskimo to wear a Speedo at an igloo-warming party, but where are the results on the court?
Hawai’i -- Where to start? The Wahine haven’t won since Disco was all the rage. The island, AKA “paradise”, is both an advantage and a disadvantage. They reap the benefits of their homecourt edge during the regular season only to freeze up like a Speedo-wearing Eskimo at an igloo-warming party in the NCAAs
UCLA -- The Bruins are another once proud program whose sun has long since slid below the horizon. They are also the most consistently over-rated team in DI volleyball. They are, in fact, the MicroSoft Windows of the sport: flashy looking, but sure to crash at an inopportune moment.
USC -- The Trojans -- sorry, the Ladies of Troy -- never would have won those titles without (a) Elliott’s recruiting and/or (b) Mick’s shady connection to the USAV Junior Volleyball program. And what a terrible neighborhood! And where are the fans? And how come football gets everything??
Wisconsin -- Who knows where the Badgers would be had Cook not found the grass greener and the Red just a little more attractive in Lincoln? They provide Penn State with some decent competition, but what have they done for anyone lately besides thump Hawai’i in 2004?
Washington -- The Huskies swipe the best players from other programs and then say “Who? Me?” Or they bend the rules to allow 25-year-old pros to play. They made a Faustian bargain for that title, dammit, and payback’s going to be a bitch.
Minnesota -- The Gophers success was thanks to Heffernan. No, Busse. No, Gentil. No, it was Boos. Whatever. Hebert’s fire may still burn, but more than likely we’re talking about a bad case of indigestion from watching his team. Regardless, all you can really say for them is that they aren’t the Badgers. What kind of praise is that?
Long Beach State -- The 49ers are the 40-year-old former high school star athlete. Is that Springsteen singing “Glory Days”? It must be the Curse of the Pointy Gym.
So what was my point, you may well ask. Well, you be the judge. Do I hope, by airing all this smelly laundry of negativity, to somehow preempt additional filth being tossed at these fine programs? Maybe I hope we can all concentrate instead on the beauty of our beloved sport, hold hands around the campfire, and sing “Kumbaya” until more people see what we see? I might even make S’mores?
Or was this just an exercise in stealth snarkiness, a cowardly way for (R)uffda! to go all cantankerous in his blog?
I can’t believe you’d think such a thing!
Labels: top volleyball programs, volleyball
posted by (R)uffda! at
9:06 AM
2 Comments:
You suck!
Love ya!
Me
Noun:
brickbat (plural brickbats)
1. (obsolete): A piece of brick used as a weapon, especially if thrown, or placed in something like a sock and used as a club.
2. A criticism or uncomplimentary remark hurled at the recipient. For example, it's quite common for magazines to have a section called "Bouquets and Brickbats" for compliments and criticisms.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home