Second person
You really wonder how this will work. Damn, that Wolfgang! you think to yourself and wonder how much longer you have to wait for lunch. You pause, re-read what you have written, admit it is all utterly banal, but decide to press on.
Lighten up! Nobody’s reading these things anyhow. Who do you think you are? YouTube? Perez Hilton? Funnylookingferrets.com?
Speaking of ferrets, you realize this is starting to sound a lot like Bright Lights, Big City. You thought that was a pretty good book, actually. Funny even. But it takes a pretty hefty ego to think you can pull it off. You don’t have a hefty ego. As a matter of fact, you’re sitting on the only hefty thing you do have. You are also no Jay McInerney. Hell, Jay McInerney is no Jay McInerney anymore.
Oh, don’t pout. Are you still planning on going to the Diet Coke Classic at the University of Minnesota this weekend? Man, there will be some good teams there! The Bobcats of Ohio (from your hometown, no less, right?), the Cardinal of Stanford (BASTA!), and the Toreroreroreos of San Diego (you liked the Jenny Craig Pavilion). Maybe you can blog about those matches afterward, eh? That would be cool. A few people might appreciate it or you can at least pretend they do.
Nice haircut, by the way. What the hell happened? Are you trying to make yourself as unattractive as possible? You’re married, sure, but that doesn’t mean you just give up. Have some self-pride, man. Get off the damned couch and walk a little! Lay off the doughnuts. And don’t let your kids cut your hair again.
What else looks interesting this weekend? Wisconsin @ BYU? That one might even be on the telly. UCLA @ Hawai’i (and the other Hawai’i matches)? Can the Wahine right the ship or is it time to man the lifeboats? Penn State and Nebraska will play each other @ Qwest in Omaha again, another one of those Husker non-home home matches. You always like to see those two clubs dance their tango of love. You aren’t still bitter about Pavan thinking you were someone else, are you?
You are unhappy with this blog. The point-of-view is not consistent. Sometimes it’s as if your mind is being read and sometimes you feel as if you are in a one-sided conversation with a real jerk. You hope the real jerk does not take offense, but doubt the idiot knows who you are talking about. You think you are pretty damned smart, don’t you?
Lastly, you wonder if anyone out there wants you to pay attention to anything in particular this weekend. SakiBomb has contacted you, but will anyone else? You don’t really care what Wolfgang wants, since he’s the one who inspired you to write this dreck in the first place. He has dreck on his hands, as far as you are concerned. Out! Out! Damned spot! or something like that.
Lighten up! Nobody’s reading these things anyhow. Who do you think you are? YouTube? Perez Hilton? Funnylookingferrets.com?
Speaking of ferrets, you realize this is starting to sound a lot like Bright Lights, Big City. You thought that was a pretty good book, actually. Funny even. But it takes a pretty hefty ego to think you can pull it off. You don’t have a hefty ego. As a matter of fact, you’re sitting on the only hefty thing you do have. You are also no Jay McInerney. Hell, Jay McInerney is no Jay McInerney anymore.
Oh, don’t pout. Are you still planning on going to the Diet Coke Classic at the University of Minnesota this weekend? Man, there will be some good teams there! The Bobcats of Ohio (from your hometown, no less, right?), the Cardinal of Stanford (BASTA!), and the Toreroreroreos of San Diego (you liked the Jenny Craig Pavilion). Maybe you can blog about those matches afterward, eh? That would be cool. A few people might appreciate it or you can at least pretend they do.
Nice haircut, by the way. What the hell happened? Are you trying to make yourself as unattractive as possible? You’re married, sure, but that doesn’t mean you just give up. Have some self-pride, man. Get off the damned couch and walk a little! Lay off the doughnuts. And don’t let your kids cut your hair again.
What else looks interesting this weekend? Wisconsin @ BYU? That one might even be on the telly. UCLA @ Hawai’i (and the other Hawai’i matches)? Can the Wahine right the ship or is it time to man the lifeboats? Penn State and Nebraska will play each other @ Qwest in Omaha again, another one of those Husker non-home home matches. You always like to see those two clubs dance their tango of love. You aren’t still bitter about Pavan thinking you were someone else, are you?
You are unhappy with this blog. The point-of-view is not consistent. Sometimes it’s as if your mind is being read and sometimes you feel as if you are in a one-sided conversation with a real jerk. You hope the real jerk does not take offense, but doubt the idiot knows who you are talking about. You think you are pretty damned smart, don’t you?
Lastly, you wonder if anyone out there wants you to pay attention to anything in particular this weekend. SakiBomb has contacted you, but will anyone else? You don’t really care what Wolfgang wants, since he’s the one who inspired you to write this dreck in the first place. He has dreck on his hands, as far as you are concerned. Out! Out! Damned spot! or something like that.
posted by (R)uffda! at
10:16 AM
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