Ask (R)uffda! (with help from his dead dog)

It's just a little past National I'm Going to College to Play Volleyball! Day, or whatever it is they are calling it. Stanford Will Tell Us When They Damned Well Please Day?

There are some questions.

What makes a player "the real deal"?

Good question, but not the one I would have asked. The better question is what makes a player "the fake deal" or "the realish deal"? Why are these players deals at all? How does it make them feel to be compared to Walmart merchandise? What is Reality anyhow? And where did I leave my car keys?

I'm told she can jump out of the gym. Does that make her a real deal?

No. This makes her a problem. Last I checked, volleyball was played inside the gym, not somewhere in the neighborhood of the gym. She needs to learn to control that super power, just like when Superman learned that his x-ray vision was making it impossible for him to hang out in the lingerie department at the mall.

And the cannon for an arm?

Another problem, especially when she wants to go swimming. One, it's not an attractive look in a bathing suit, and two, she's liable to drown.

So who has the best recruiting class?

Way too early to tell. But I hear a couple of schools have loaded up with real deals who can jump out of gyms even with their cannon arms. I'm picking one of those.

What is Reality, now that you mention it?

Well, apparently it has nothing to do with the Kardashians. Plato, I think, said it best when he wrote: "Reality is the damnedest thing. Reminds me of a cave and shadows from a fire. And meatloaf, for some reason. Let's eat! We can hash it all out later."

That doesn't make any sense.

Hey, bring it up with Plato.