Inspired by Coach Cook -- more boons

John Cook has recently become an even more vocal proponent of a spring volleyball season for college women. This, he claims, will be a "boon" for the promotion of the sport, since it will no longer have to compete with football, the World Series and Oktoberfest.

I have been inspired by the "proactive thinker" of Lincoln to come up with some of my own ideas to promote volleyball.

*Renaming the sport "foootball." Sure, it'll cause some confusion, probably some anger, possibly even some lawsuits (pretty sure the extra "o" will give us some indemnity). But some of those duped fans might stick around, right?

*Adding an 8th day of the week, tentatively known as (R)uffda!day, dedicated solely to the sport of volleyball. There may also be ice cream and cake involved.

*Combining volleyball with the Powerball lottery. Tickets are still $1, but they come with mandatory attendance at a volleyball match of your choice. What's in it for the Powerball people, you ask? That's funny. That's what they're asking, too.

*Introducing an element of danger to the sport. Making it, for want of a better word, an Xtreme Xport. An exploding ball is one thought. A barbed wire net is another.

*Requiring the athletes to wear spandex shorts. Oh. Wait. Never mind.

*Moving football, the World Series and Oktoberfest to the spring -- perhaps renaming the latter "Maifest." As long as there's beer, who's going to care?

*Encouraging fighting. As hockey tries to weed it out of their sport, it behooves us to nurture its growth in ours. Somebody's going all Ogonna Nnamani on your team? Time to sub in Beatrice "The Beast" Rudzinki to "even things out."