Dearest sister

Dearest sister,

I would love to be the bearer of good news for once, but I am afraid most of what I have is bad. Some of it is really bad. There’s one bit that’s truly awful, and two more that I’m not even going to bother to mention, they are so disturbing. Actually, I have nothing pleasant to relate at all, so don’t get your hopes up. Such are the times in which we live.

This, I suppose, is mildly amusing: We were forced to eat the neighbors today. It was either that or break open the spam and zweiback. Funny thing is, we weren’t even that hungry. I guess our eyes were bigger than our stomachs! Ha-ha!

Packs of wild dogs continue to roam the streets. There’s even a group of rowdy squirrels tossing nuts at anyone brave enough to wander outside. I think I saw a rabbit take out the postman last Tuesday. Serves him right. Nothing but junkmail these days.

What have we done to bring all these horrors upon ourselves? Are we even to blame? By “we” I mean everyone else. I know I’m not to blame. I am blameless. (Except for eating the neighbors, of course. That was probably a bit over the top.) Who would have thought one network could wreak so much havoc? Sure, The Wreak Havoc Channel does. So does Rack and Ruin TV, and Rack and Ruin TV2. And The Disney Channel, of course. OK. Lots of people could have thought this through. So why didn’t anyone?

So here we are. At 7pm, Central Time, this evening, the BigTen Network is launched and there are still very few deals in place with the cable companies. I have DirecTV, so I can’t say that I’d really care if it were not for the chaos taking place all over the country. I heard Katie Couric even blew a gasket on the evening news last night when she heard about the football games she would be missing this Saturday. Just take a gander!

12:00 p.m. EDT

Appalachian State at Michigan (Ch. 220 - Primary Game)

Youngstown State at Ohio State (Ch. 218 - Overflow Game)

Northeastern at Northwestern (Ch. 219 - Overflow Game)

Florida International at Penn State (Ch. 221 - Overflow Game)

8:00 p.m. EDT

Bowling Green at Minnesota (Ch. 220 - Primary Game)

Indiana State at Indiana (Ch. 218 - Overflow Game)

Do you blame her? I mean, the Northeastern-Northwestern game is worth a year’s subscription right there! We’re talking 100,000 fans waving big old compasses and drinking way too much beer! Can you imagine the entertainment?

As for volleyball, well, you can only imagine what people are going to be missing. The schedule is practically chock-full of volleyball tilts, in a chock-depleted sort of way. No doubt BigTen Network crews are being rushed to gyms all over the Midwest as I type, preparing to cover this weekend’s matches.

Did I mentioned there are nut-slinging squirrels out there?!

Hope you are well and the charges don’t stick.

Your loving brother,

(R)uffie!

Second person

You really wonder how this will work. Damn, that Wolfgang! you think to yourself and wonder how much longer you have to wait for lunch. You pause, re-read what you have written, admit it is all utterly banal, but decide to press on.

Lighten up! Nobody’s reading these things anyhow. Who do you think you are? YouTube? Perez Hilton? Funnylookingferrets.com?

Speaking of ferrets, you realize this is starting to sound a lot like Bright Lights, Big City. You thought that was a pretty good book, actually. Funny even. But it takes a pretty hefty ego to think you can pull it off. You don’t have a hefty ego. As a matter of fact, you’re sitting on the only hefty thing you do have. You are also no Jay McInerney. Hell, Jay McInerney is no Jay McInerney anymore.

Oh, don’t pout. Are you still planning on going to the Diet Coke Classic at the University of Minnesota this weekend? Man, there will be some good teams there! The Bobcats of Ohio (from your hometown, no less, right?), the Cardinal of Stanford (BASTA!), and the Toreroreroreos of San Diego (you liked the Jenny Craig Pavilion). Maybe you can blog about those matches afterward, eh? That would be cool. A few people might appreciate it or you can at least pretend they do.

Nice haircut, by the way. What the hell happened? Are you trying to make yourself as unattractive as possible? You’re married, sure, but that doesn’t mean you just give up. Have some self-pride, man. Get off the damned couch and walk a little! Lay off the doughnuts. And don’t let your kids cut your hair again.

What else looks interesting this weekend? Wisconsin @ BYU? That one might even be on the telly. UCLA @ Hawai’i (and the other Hawai’i matches)? Can the Wahine right the ship or is it time to man the lifeboats? Penn State and Nebraska will play each other @ Qwest in Omaha again, another one of those Husker non-home home matches. You always like to see those two clubs dance their tango of love. You aren’t still bitter about Pavan thinking you were someone else, are you?

You are unhappy with this blog. The point-of-view is not consistent. Sometimes it’s as if your mind is being read and sometimes you feel as if you are in a one-sided conversation with a real jerk. You hope the real jerk does not take offense, but doubt the idiot knows who you are talking about. You think you are pretty damned smart, don’t you?

Lastly, you wonder if anyone out there wants you to pay attention to anything in particular this weekend. SakiBomb has contacted you, but will anyone else? You don’t really care what Wolfgang wants, since he’s the one who inspired you to write this dreck in the first place. He has dreck on his hands, as far as you are concerned. Out! Out! Damned spot! or something like that.

Opening weekend

Wouldn’t it be kinda cool if someone were to write a wrapup of the past weekend’s volleyball action? Someone willing to go to all the trouble of rooting around for tasty tidbits from all the various matches, and through the other volleyball gossip, rumors, news, etc.? Someone not the least bit afraid to get the snout a little dirty? I wish I had the energy to do it, but all I can offer is this:

(R)uffda!’s Weekend Wrapup
(Only mildly interesting, but I'm pretty busy so give me a break)


Nebraska Wins AVCA Showcase

Has anyone ever pinned down the NACWAA folks and found out just why exactly they abandoned our sport? Their desertion is right up there with Royal Neighbors of America yanking the carpet out from under the USPV. It stings. It stinks. And I, as God is my witness, will never forget!

Anyhow, Nebraska beat UCLA 3-1 (30-23, 22-30, 30-18, 30-21) in the final and Sarah Pavan walked away with something called the Sports Import/AVCA National Player of the Week. Is there room on her mantel for this trophy? Does Sarah even have a mantel? I'm betting she also won some sort of MVP plaque for the tournament itself. Maybe an AVCA T-shirt?

How secure is the Sports Import backing? Are they as fickle as the others?

Penn State Takes Two from Texas

No doubt someone else has already trotted out the Texas Two-Step -- or Misstep -- line, so I won’t, even if I sorta just did. These were the other big matches of the weekend, pitting #3 PSU versus then #4 Texas at State College in a back-to-back two-night donnybrook. The Longhorns lost them both, 1-3 each night, and remain the biggest enigma in the sport. How can that much talent keep falling short? Will that much talent keep falling short?

Hawai’i Almost Loses Three

This was perhaps the shocker of the opening matches: the Wahine were within a deuce 5th game of starting the season 0-3. They opened with a 16-18 5th game loss to Michigan on Friday, squeaked by Colorado State 15-13 in the 5th on Saturday, and then, perhaps weary of all the drama, were swept away by Oregon State on Sunday. What is going on? you might ask. Beats me, I would answer. But it sure does light up the VolleyTalk board.

Kansas State Poleaxes Cal Poly

The Mustangs were to be the dark horse of the 2007 season, but they were lassoed by the Wildcats in their opener, losing 11-15 in the 5th. Since KSU was a very disappointing 12-18 in 2006, this was not exactly expected. There is always the danger that we read too much into one match -- or, on the other hand, that we ignore what a match is telling us about a team or teams. Like Lassie trying to tell us Timmy has fallen into the well. Again. What is with that kid? Regardless, the win vaulted KSU from the ignominy of the unranked to #25, and dropped Cal Poly from #14 to #18.

Big12 Comes Up Short

It was not a good weekend for the Big12. Nebraska, of course, performed like the #1 team, and we just mentioned KSU’s success; but there were some noteworthy stumbles. Colorado dropped two 5-game matches (to Tulane and Furman), Texas failed to at least split with Penn State, Iowa State lost at home to Middle Tennessee State (a good team, yes, but still), Baylor dropped a match to Stony Brook, Texas Tech lost to Virginia, Kansas lost to Oregon, and Missouri lost in 5 to Ole Miss. Not the sort of stuff you expect from a top conference.

Blue Devils Derail Boilermakers

Duke knocked off Purdue 3-1, at Duke, after dropping the first game 30-32. This was, perhaps, the ACC’s most significant win in two years, probably since Georgia Tech was flirting with a Final Four appearance. (Yes, I will call it a Final Four, basketball stormtroopers be damned!)

AVCA Poll Only Sort of Irritating

Only sort of irritating on principle, too. Either we’re just getting used to it, the poll is not so bad, or we’ve just stopped caring. I have the list here in front of me and even my bile would shrug its shoulders, had it shoulders. Four Pac10 teams in the Top 8? Whatever. Duke at #14? Seems generous. But c'est la vie, as the French say. Just one more funny-shaped pastry.

Michigan Sticks a Landing

The Wolverines and frosh setter Lexi Zimmerman not only showed off amplitude in their routine, they stuck the friggin’ landing. Or did I already say that in my heading? I ask you: Did any team open more eyes this past weekend? I await your response.

Mountain West Bulldozed, Big West Downsized, and ACC Rebounds

These three conferences were once chomping at the heels of the Big Three -- the Pac10, the Big10 and the Big12 -- but not so recently. The ACC, as a matter of fact, was in danger of being caught by DII schools. See Duke’s win over Purdue above for the potential trendstopper. Meanwhile, Colorado State -- picked to finish 2nd in the MWC -- opens up 0-3, and Utah continues a course which would make Job wave the white flag. LBSU, Cal Poly and UCSB suffer damaging losses for the Big West. UCI, at 3-0, including a win over Gonzaga, is the only moderately bright spot. Gonzaga!

Pepperdine Disappoints (Again)

The Waves, picked to win the WCC, were leveled by Arkansas, but then rolled over Georgia Tech, who had beaten the Razorbacks. (Don’t teams know how much this confuses us fans when they do this?!) So the inconsistency which has plagued Pepperdine in recent seasons persists.

Chuck Erbe Takes the Stand

Rumor has it that former MSU coach Chuck Erbe took the up stand in Ball State’s Active Ankle tournament. Anyone who has seen Chuck bark at the Big10 refs would have loved to see him in this new role.

But kudos to Active Ankle for stepping up to the service line, unlike a couple of organizations we could name. We appreciate the... uh... support.

Atonement

My mother never once said to me “(R)uffda!, my son, if you can’t say something nice, don’t bother saying anything at all.” That would have made for some pretty silent meals at the (R)uffda! homestead , let me tell you. We would have been left with no choice except to fling the mashed potatoes and pickled beets, and that would have riled (R)uffda! Senior, which would have led to some sort of (R)uffda! spanking and (R)uffda! screeching.

But, even without that maternal guidance, I feel compelled to atone for the hostile tone of my last blog, even if absolutely none of the hostility -- I swear! -- was mine. What I am going to do is post the very first nice thing I can think of about each of those same volleyball programs I was lambasting -- by proxy! -- yesterday.


Nebraska -- That's easy. Jordan Larson and Sarah Pavan (even if she does think I’m someone I’m not) are two of my favorite volleyball players ever.

Stanford -- Uh. Well... hmmm. OK, this was a bad idea.

Never mind. I won’t bother saying anything at all.

No offense, but ...

There’s currently a well-worn thread at VolleyTalk entitled “Why Florida Will Never Win a Championship,” the purpose of which, no doubt, was to bunch the collective undies of Gator Nation. Hey, good fun is good fun. Don’t let me spoil the party. But it also set me to thinking about how every program -- even the great programs like Florida -- seem to have a knock against them. These aren’t my knocks, mind you. Ask anyone. I am generally a knockless guy. These are just the brickbats sure to be chucked, without the slightest provocation, by the dyspeptic masses. Dyspeptic and armed with brickbats, apparently.

Don’t believe me? Howzabout:

Nebraska -- The Huskers can’t sneak past the Pac10 in the NCAAs. They are, consequently, the elephant wandering through the tournament minefield. 2006 was an aberration because they were playing at home -- and don’t start with that “Qwest Center ain’t home” BS. And, for good measure, let’s never forget that 0-2 timeout. What was he thinking?! Nor the infamous phantom handshake. What was she thinking?!

Stanford -- The Cardinal, which is a color and not a bird, nor is it some religious dude in a funny hat who hopes somebody dies and makes him Pope, ... where the hell was I? Oh, right. The Cardinal win because they have the pick of the nation’s best players year after year. They are the friggin’ Yankees of women’s volleyball. Besides that, they should win, and are monumental flops if they don’t.

Penn State -- The Lions practice the Heimlich Maneuver more often than blocking footwork. As the noted philosopher Ray Nitschke once said, “What does not destroy me, makes me strong -- and then we beat the crap out of Penn State in a Regional.” Does anyone really believe decent volleyball is played east of the West Coast?

Florida -- The Gators can’t win the “big one.” While they often show up for the big dance, they’re always wearing snowshoes and earmuffs. There’s usually some swipe at female coaches in there, too, while Nick Cheronis dashes off scot-free. Or with his scots less than a pocketful anyhow.

Texas -- The Longhorns can’t even win the “little one,” let alone the “big one.” Sure, Jerritt could persuade an Eskimo to wear a Speedo at an igloo-warming party, but where are the results on the court?

Hawai’i -- Where to start? The Wahine haven’t won since Disco was all the rage. The island, AKA “paradise”, is both an advantage and a disadvantage. They reap the benefits of their homecourt edge during the regular season only to freeze up like a Speedo-wearing Eskimo at an igloo-warming party in the NCAAs

UCLA -- The Bruins are another once proud program whose sun has long since slid below the horizon. They are also the most consistently over-rated team in DI volleyball. They are, in fact, the MicroSoft Windows of the sport: flashy looking, but sure to crash at an inopportune moment.

USC -- The Trojans -- sorry, the Ladies of Troy -- never would have won those titles without (a) Elliott’s recruiting and/or (b) Mick’s shady connection to the USAV Junior Volleyball program. And what a terrible neighborhood! And where are the fans? And how come football gets everything??

Wisconsin -- Who knows where the Badgers would be had Cook not found the grass greener and the Red just a little more attractive in Lincoln? They provide Penn State with some decent competition, but what have they done for anyone lately besides thump Hawai’i in 2004?

Washington -- The Huskies swipe the best players from other programs and then say “Who? Me?” Or they bend the rules to allow 25-year-old pros to play. They made a Faustian bargain for that title, dammit, and payback’s going to be a bitch.

Minnesota -- The Gophers success was thanks to Heffernan. No, Busse. No, Gentil. No, it was Boos. Whatever. Hebert’s fire may still burn, but more than likely we’re talking about a bad case of indigestion from watching his team. Regardless, all you can really say for them is that they aren’t the Badgers. What kind of praise is that?

Long Beach State -- The 49ers are the 40-year-old former high school star athlete. Is that Springsteen singing “Glory Days”? It must be the Curse of the Pointy Gym.


So what was my point, you may well ask. Well, you be the judge. Do I hope, by airing all this smelly laundry of negativity, to somehow preempt additional filth being tossed at these fine programs? Maybe I hope we can all concentrate instead on the beauty of our beloved sport, hold hands around the campfire, and sing “Kumbaya” until more people see what we see? I might even make S’mores?

Or was this just an exercise in stealth snarkiness, a cowardly way for (R)uffda! to go all cantankerous in his blog?

I can’t believe you’d think such a thing!

BASTA!

A few volleyball fans have inquired about the BASTA! movement. I am confident that even more are curious, but are just too shy to ask. Or perhaps they are cowards, quivering like bowls of jello in the backseat of a ’73 Pinto doing 60 on a gravel road. Some people simply do not possess the stuff to stand up to the intimidation of the anti-BASTA! forces. Forces, I might add, which lurk everywhere. (Except for maybe Superior, Wisconsin. Not even the local lurkers lurk there.)

Normally, my reply would be something along the lines of “Excuse me, but do I look like some flunky from Google? Please go away and let me finish my drink in peace!” However, because I have a stinking suspicion my first blog -- if and when it ever is published (Odin!!) -- is going to bring out all the VolleyTalk slackers and a chorus of “You suck!”, I feel it is perhaps wise to respond.

BASTA! stands for Backlash Against Stanford Talent Aquisition! It is an organization growing, like, by groundswell. Or, as I prefer to say, growing like a groundswell grows. It was formed in the late Fall of 2006, after it became apparent Alix Klineman was indeed going to Stanford.

The original name, PASTA! (for People Against Stanford Talent Aquisition!), was, I admit, a fiasco. “PASTA!?”, people would say. “PASTA!??” With 500 T-shirts already on order, I stood my ground. I figured, hey, give it a chance. “PASTA!?” people continued to say. “PASTA!???” It was that third question mark which finally convinced me that “PASTA!” was not going to work.

I started through the alphabet. “AASTA!” was just stupid. “CASTA!” and “DASTA!” were not as stupid, but still stupid. I then realized I had skipped “BASTA!” “Eureka!” I screamed. “BASTA! That’s Italian for ‘enough!’ That’s perfect!” My wife looked up from her book, ever so briefly, rolled her eyes, and muttered something under her breath that sounded an awful lot like “What a dork.”

Now came the tough part. What the hell did the “B” stand for? “Brothers”? Kind of male-centric. We certainly don’t want to alienate the females. “Brotherhood”? Better, but ditto. “Boobs”? That’s a non-starter. “Bitterfans”? It’s not even a word. “Bastards”? Maybe. “Buffoons”? A leading contender. “Blighters”? Too British. “Babirusa”? Pretty obscure. “Blowhards”? Nice.

Anyhow, I eventually went to the dictionary and settled on “Backlash”. It works, I think.

So what’s next for “BASTA!”? Hey, I came up with the name. Time for someone else to do some of the heavy lifting. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to finish my drink in peace.

Initial post

For my initial post, I am just going to copy my last post from richkern.com. Lazy, you say? I prefer "economical." And shut up, by the way!



I thought I’d provide a quick look at one pseudo-fictional person’s Top Ten for the upcoming DI season. Just try to stop me! It’d be like telling Heathcliff to come down from those wuthering heights to play Yahtzee with the neighborhood kids. Not going to happen.

1--Nebraska

People -- and by “people” I don’t mean virtual people, so pipe down VolleyTalkers! -- tend to overlook how close the Huskers were from being bounced from the 2006 tournament. They were down 0-2 to Minnesota in their Regional final, were a deuce game from an 0-2 deficit to UCLA in the National semi-final, and had to rally late in game 2 to avoid trailing Stanford 0-2 in the final. So there are good reasons for not immediately touting the 2007 Huskers as the favorite to win it all again this year.

That said, they are still my pick for three reasons: Sarah Pavan, Jordan Larson and Christina Houghtelling. Was there an award Ms. Pavan did not win this past off-season? OK, no Oscars or Emmys, but I hear she does have a shot at a Pulitzer.

2--Stanford

The Cardinal said goodbye to Kristin Richards and hello to Alix Klineman (as well as Gabi Ailes, Cassidy Lichtman and Stephanie Browne). Kind of makes you a little nauseated doesn’t it? Applications for your local BASTA! chapter are available on request.

3--Penn State

The youngest top four team from 2006 should be even better this year. Is this the season the Lions return to the Championships for the first time since they won it all in 1999? Everyone keeps telling me that Alyssa D’Errico will provide immediate help for the team’s Achilles’ Heel: passing and defense. There’s also talk that Russ will be sporting Achilles’ Sweater this Fall. So they have that going for them, too.

4--Texas

The Longhorns have added 6’5” Jennifer Doris and 6’2” Juliann Faucette to the Redwoods already casting such long shadows in the Big12. Is this the season the gals from Texas return to the Championships for the first time since losing to Nebraska in 1995? Will I use this phrase again in this blog?

5--Florida

Tick tock tick tock or tick tick tick?. The fabulous class of 2004 -- Angie McGinnis, Marcie Hampton, and Kisya Killingsworth -- is now seniors, as well as 5th-year senior Amber McCray. This is their last chance to make an appearance in the Championships. Will it happen? And, if so, is this the season Mary wins her first title? I say “no”, but it’s a great story, should it happen.

6--USC

The Trojans will not have the scintillating Debora Seilhamer chasing down volleyball after volleyball, but what amazing talent they have added! Zoe Garrett, Kimmie Roleder and Geena Urango join a very, very deep USC squad. This team may even be good enough to seriously challenge the Cardinal in the Pac10.

7--UCLA

I hesitate to rank the Bruins this high, given the loss of Katie Carter and, especially, Nana Meriwether, but the team made a statement which can’t be ignored when they won the USAV Open title in early June. Not only that, they have the incomparable Nellie Spicer running the show at setter and one of the best names in the game -- Dicey McGraw -- joining them.

8--Wisconsin

Don’t overlook the Cheese! That may not be the rallying cry in Mad-town, but “Howzabout another beer!?” doesn’t seem particularly appropriate, so we’ll go with it. The Badgers, I predict, will feature both offensive firepower and ball control this season, a trademark of their best teams of the late 90s and early aughts. Can they challenge Penn State in the Big10? Maybe not. But they may be able to separate themselves from the Gophers, Boilermakers and Buckeyes, which is no small feat.

9--Washington

The departure of All-American setter Courtney Thompson (and her headband) is a huge crater for the Huskies to fill, but assuming one of the several replacement candidates comes with a decent shovel, it can be done. There are, after all, plenty of fine hitters waiting to be fed, such as Christal Morrison, Alesha Deesing, Jessica Swarbrick, Stevie Mussie and Jill Collymore.

10--Hawai’i

Don’t overlook the Cheese! This is not the rallying cry in ‘lulu-town either, although they can use it if they want. The Wahine come in at #10 mainly because I’m not going to put Minnesota there and have everyone call me a homer. In fact, all is not paradise in Hawai’i, except for that paradise-thing they have going, of course. They will be looking to replace Kanoe Kamana’o, who, like Thompson, is another All-American setter, as well as their go-to outside hitter, Sarah Mason. Can they? How should I know? If I could afford to spend time out there finding out, don’t you think I’d be out there spending time finding out? All I know is that it’s not wise to overlook the Cheese or the Wahine Rainbow.


Knock, knock, knocking on the Top Ten’s door.

Cal Poly -- One of the best keep secrets in DI volleyball, the Mustangs, defending Big West Champions, return almost their entire team for the 2007 season. The returnees include four all-conference selections and six starters. Can the Big West produce a Top Ten team? It’s been a while.

California -- The Golden Bears are yet another team needing to replace a starting setter (Sam Carter). They also bid adieu to Jillian Davis, their fine libero (who may or may not speak French, but will catch their drift regardless), but everyone else is back, including the high-flying 5’8” outside hitter Angie Pressey.

Purdue -- This could very well be the year the Boilermakers climb to the upper three floors of the Big10. It won’t be easy -- there are no elevators in that building -- but with six starters returning and some solid frosh, the door to the stairs is wide open.

Minnesota -- The Gophers lost Meredith Nelson, Meghan Cumpston and Marci Peniata from their 2006 Elite Eight squad, but they have a solid core returning, plus several top-ranked frosh, including Lauren Gibbemeyer and Brook Dieter. This team could end up surprising a lot of people. Again. (And probably should have been #10 in this list.) [8/23 15:00 It's true! I left off Kelly Bowman from the list of Gophers completing eligibility. Oops. A major departure.]


So there you have it. I’d ask you if you agree or disagree, but what’s the point? It’s too late for me to change anything now.