Untitled*

Chapter One. I am born.


Whether I will continue to brazenly plagiarize Dickens, or whether, seeing the folly of my ways and wishing to avoid the embarrassment which would fall upon my family and friends, I choose to knock it off, is a question I am not presently too keen on answering. I was just born, after all. What’s with all the lights, and what’s there to eat? What?? You have to be joking! What else you got?

Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by some other clown, are also questions which do not interest me in the least. I am, in fact, much more concerned with the tense I am employing in this chapter. It seems to me -- and mind you I do not pretend to be an expert on grammar, being an infant and all -- that not only will the one I am currently using be difficult to maintain, but that it will also present me with many problems in regards to logic. How is it, for instance, that I am writing this book when I have, as I claim above, just been born? Have there been other authors in diapers (for indeed I am now diapered)? Were they successful? Did any of them ever get fed? Or changed (for indeed I am now ready for a new diaper)?

Whether I should have continued with this chapter, or whether I was right to just skip ahead to Chapter Two, or, as I just decided to call it, Chapter 1A, the following pages must show. You shall be the judge, dear reader, although your verdict also does not interest me in the slightest.

Later.


*Still working on the title. Something to do with volleyball.