2008 NCAA Rule Changes: A Summary

Dorkwads.

Sarah Pavan

I feel sorry for this kid. It just seems like she's had people on her case ever since she was a big recruit. Now this latest tempest in Huskerland.

Then they drag Rich Kern into the middle of it. And Rachel Holloway.

I recommend she go see "Definitely Maybe." It's an exercise in melancholy, sure. But I have a sneaky suspicion she, like this here blogger, will like it a lot.

Or maybe a joke:

Why's the monkey holding his nose?
Monkey didn't see monkey-do.

Maybe not.

Which way, Wolverine?

Michigan was 24-11 in 2008, including a mild upset of the curiously-seeded Colorado State in the second round of the NCAAs. Unfortunately, they followed that win with a sound thrashing at the paws of the eventual national champion Lions of Nittany, the Penn State cruel cats, in the round of 16.

The question we ask, right there in the title of this post as a matter of fact, is “Which way, Wolverine?” Can they build upon the successes of 2007, in spite of some significant departures (see Significant departures below) or will the wounds of December fester and ooze, with accompanying nasty fevers and foamy mouths? In short, will the Wolverine need to be put down, figuratively speaking, like Ol’ Yeller or Chuck Erbe?

First of all, a look at the roster.


Significant departures

Katie (Spell that!) Bruzdzinski, outside hitter (595 kills)
Sarah Draves, rightside
Lyndsay Miller, middle (374 kills, .296)
Stesha Selsky, libero/setter (762 digs, 5.95 dpg)

Gregg Whittis, Assistant Coach (to Tennessee)


Significant arrivals

Sloane (Ranger) Donhoff, 5’10” rightside from Louisville, KY (#47 in PrepVolleyball.com Senior Aces)
Courtney Fletcher, 6’5” middle blocker from Duluth, GA (PVb #75)
Alex Hunt, 6’1” rightside from South Bend, IN (PVb #56)
Claire (The Loon) McEleheny, 6’4” middle blocker from Indianapolis, IN (PVb #58)

A new assistant coach, yet to be hired [Amanda Ault announced as new assistant coach 2/10/08]


Projected lineup

Lexi Zimmerman, sophomore setter
Veronica Rood, junior outside hitter
Beth Karpiak, senior middle hitter
Megan Bower, junior opposite
Kerry Hance, senior libero

And then it becomes interesting. No other returning player participated in more than 10 games, other than Maggie Busch (64 games). Karlee Bruck appears to have been redshirted in 2007. So who steps in as the other outside and middle hitters? Do Bower and Hance have a lock on their positions?


Unsolicited opinions

*I think the Wolverine have a tough road to hoe. They only wish it were just a row. No, this is a black-topped hoe-buster, no doubt about it. Sure, they have the fabulous Lexi and a sturdy Karpiak, but they need too many inexperienced players to come through for them.

*On the other hand, 2009 could see another formidable Maize and Blue club. Maize and Blue, right?

*On the other other hand, 2009 could be more of the same if the youngsters do not develop.

*I don’t care what anyone else says, I think the converted swimming pool is cool.


Projected results

There is no schedule posted for Michigan yet, so I’ll just go with 8-12 in the Big Ten. That’s my prediction. Deal with it!

Go ahead. Hit me over the head again.

What will they think of next?

Rally-score to 25? Why not? Who’s going to miss an extra 5 points, especially if you start every game at 5-5?

“What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s 5-5. What’d I miss?”

“5-5? What the hell?! I musta dozed off for a second there.”

“No biggie. The game doesn’t get interesting until 20 or so anyhow. I think I’ll go back to the john and wash my hands.”

“Eeeew.”

“Want some popcorn?”

“Uh, no.”

“OK. Try and stay awake.”

The coaching carousel and parting words

Amid the post-season coaching shuffle, Geoff Carlston exits OU and has this to say:

"For nearly six years, I have been blessed to be a part of an incredible community of people in Athens," Carlston said. "To all of those fans who have been there for our team and to the administration that has tirelessly supported our program, I truly thank you. Finally, I want to send my tremendous gratitude to all of the amazing Ohio Volleyball players, past and present, for believing in the program's dreams and teaching me so much along the way."

Classy, right? Whatever happened to good old-fashioned bridge-burning? I offer the following statement for any coach who really wants to go out in style. You're welcome.

“During my tenure at this so-called school, I have often asked myself what I did exactly to deserve ending up in the toilet that is this university. All I can figure is that I must have been Hitler or a tobacco executive in my last life. I can only hope that the administration, fans and players, whose company I have endured all these years, are saddled to a coach who will make their lives as miserable as they have made mine. Or, better yet, worse. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a bus to catch.”

20 Plus Questions with (R)uffda!

To be fair, I have decided to ask myself 20 Plus Questions, the same questions posed to Lauren Paolini. I agreed to this Q&A session on two conditions: 1) my relationship with Rich Kern is off-limits and 2) I can ask and answer the questions while stark naked.


What are the top songs in your iPod?
I do not have an iPod. My daughter does, if a Shuffle counts. I like music a lot, but not enough to stick things in my ears.

Name a few things that most people do not know about you.
My relationship with Rich Kern is probably what most people don’t know, but I’m not going into the specifics, except to confirm it began at the Nebraska State Penitentiary. I also like ABBA.

What do you like to do in your spare time?
I tend to do a lot of napping.

What do you envision doing as a career after competing for the national team?
I don’t understand this question. What the hell are you talking about?

Who was your club coach prior to going to college?
This one also baffles me. My high school baseball coach was Jim Fritsche, who played basketball with Vern Mikkelsen.

Where would you like to spend a week’s vacation?
Spain. Or Greece. Or Maui. Or Barbados.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Scotland. Or Decatur, Illinois.

What is your favorite room in your house and why?
The foyer. Because I like saying “foyer”.

What is the one luxury item that you could not do without?
My Bowflex. OK, I don’t really have a Bowflex, but if I did, that’d be it. And I’d keep it in the foyer to multi-task as a coatrack.

Rank the following types of television programs in order you like best: Reality TV, crime dramas, game shows, sit-coms, music television, cable news, sports.
That's not a question. That's a task. I won't. It's stupid.

What is your favorite television program?
The Office, I guess. Why do you ask?

What is your favorite movie?
Oh, who knows? Mr. Hulot’s Holiday. There.

What is your favorite book?
Another dumb question. Jane Austen is probably my favorite author. There’s a lot of books out there, you know.

Are you a morning person, afternoon person or night person?
I refuse to be pigeon-holed into categories like this, especially at this time of the day.

What is your pre-match ritual?
What? Lighter fluid on the coals? What are you talking about?

On an airplane, would you rather, sleep, read, work on a computer or talk with the person sitting next to you?
Well, who exactly is sitting next to me? Anything other than plunging to my death works for me.

What is the best thing about competing on the USA Women’s National Team?
Very funny.

What is your favorite volleyball drill?
Uh, 7/8”?

What sport would you be competing in if not for volleyball?
Rhythmic Gymnastics. But I told you I wasn’t going to discuss Rich Kern.

Who is your favorite athlete?
Stacey Gordon. How do you like them apples, Stan?

What is your favorite food?
Steak. And Ho-Hos.

What is your favorite restaurant to eat at?
As opposed to my favorite restaurant to see a movie? Outback Steakhouse.

What is your hometown best known for?
The Mighty Bobcats! And aging hippies.

How many different languages can you converse in?
Does Pig Latin count?

What was your favorite subject in school?
Pig Latin. Getting pigs to speak German is easy. Latin? Not so much.

What fad were you involved in during junior high school that many would be surprised to learn?
I was heavily into cocaine.

If you could see any musical act or performer (dead or alive) in concert, who would it be?
I’d like to see Barry Manilow performing dead. I think that would be freakishly fine.

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing that you would buy or pay for?
I would pay my subscription to RichKern.com.

If you could have one super power, what would it be?
The power to melt cheese with my microwave. Oh, wait. I have that one. How about replacing shingles on my roof? This is REALLY a lot of questions. Maybe the strength to answer them all.

If a movie was made about your life, which actor or actress would you want to play you?
Scarlett Johansson. She’s really talented and good looking.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three things would you take with you?
Rich Kern, Q-tips and a hammock.

If you could live in another time period for a week, which one would you choose?
The week after I’m dead. Just to see what people are saying. Either that or July 5-11, 1958.

If you could be on the cover of one magazine, which one would you choose?
Modern Bride. Or Post-Modern Bride.

What is the most “embarrassing” song on your iPod?
I don’t have a goddamned iPod! Weren’t you listening?!

What is your favorite holiday?
Arbor Day. Trees are a passion of mine. Ask any spruce.

What is your favorite season – winter, spring, summer or fall?
Summer. It reminds me of a really warm spring. Or a fall with leaves.

What is one off-the-court talent that you have?
I have no talents. I have spent my life trying to find one. No luck so far. I’m a pretty good speller.

What is your motto?
Har-motto.

What reality show (American Idol, the Apprentice, the Real World, Survivor, Big Brother, etc.) would you be best on?
Untalented Dweebs Who Can Spell.

What is your pet peeve?
Windshield wipers on a dry windshield. Lauren brought it up, but I agree. It would also make a good motto.

What communication tool do you use most often – text messaging, talking on the cell phone or e-mail?
The middle finger.

What can you tell us about you and Rich Kern?
It’s strictly platonic and it involves baked goods. I will say no more.

Paolini gets all metaphorical

Another Q&A from USAV:

What is your pet peeve?

Windshield wipers on a dry windshield


First of all, what a great title for a country song. Secondly, is Lauren speaking figuratively or literally? Because I'll give her 100 extra points if she's waxing poetic on us.

Windshield wipers on a dry windshield
Sets of nectar to Rodney Dangerfield

Someone needs to take it from here...