20 Plus Questions with (R)uffda!

To be fair, I have decided to ask myself 20 Plus Questions, the same questions posed to Lauren Paolini. I agreed to this Q&A session on two conditions: 1) my relationship with Rich Kern is off-limits and 2) I can ask and answer the questions while stark naked.


What are the top songs in your iPod?
I do not have an iPod. My daughter does, if a Shuffle counts. I like music a lot, but not enough to stick things in my ears.

Name a few things that most people do not know about you.
My relationship with Rich Kern is probably what most people don’t know, but I’m not going into the specifics, except to confirm it began at the Nebraska State Penitentiary. I also like ABBA.

What do you like to do in your spare time?
I tend to do a lot of napping.

What do you envision doing as a career after competing for the national team?
I don’t understand this question. What the hell are you talking about?

Who was your club coach prior to going to college?
This one also baffles me. My high school baseball coach was Jim Fritsche, who played basketball with Vern Mikkelsen.

Where would you like to spend a week’s vacation?
Spain. Or Greece. Or Maui. Or Barbados.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Scotland. Or Decatur, Illinois.

What is your favorite room in your house and why?
The foyer. Because I like saying “foyer”.

What is the one luxury item that you could not do without?
My Bowflex. OK, I don’t really have a Bowflex, but if I did, that’d be it. And I’d keep it in the foyer to multi-task as a coatrack.

Rank the following types of television programs in order you like best: Reality TV, crime dramas, game shows, sit-coms, music television, cable news, sports.
That's not a question. That's a task. I won't. It's stupid.

What is your favorite television program?
The Office, I guess. Why do you ask?

What is your favorite movie?
Oh, who knows? Mr. Hulot’s Holiday. There.

What is your favorite book?
Another dumb question. Jane Austen is probably my favorite author. There’s a lot of books out there, you know.

Are you a morning person, afternoon person or night person?
I refuse to be pigeon-holed into categories like this, especially at this time of the day.

What is your pre-match ritual?
What? Lighter fluid on the coals? What are you talking about?

On an airplane, would you rather, sleep, read, work on a computer or talk with the person sitting next to you?
Well, who exactly is sitting next to me? Anything other than plunging to my death works for me.

What is the best thing about competing on the USA Women’s National Team?
Very funny.

What is your favorite volleyball drill?
Uh, 7/8”?

What sport would you be competing in if not for volleyball?
Rhythmic Gymnastics. But I told you I wasn’t going to discuss Rich Kern.

Who is your favorite athlete?
Stacey Gordon. How do you like them apples, Stan?

What is your favorite food?
Steak. And Ho-Hos.

What is your favorite restaurant to eat at?
As opposed to my favorite restaurant to see a movie? Outback Steakhouse.

What is your hometown best known for?
The Mighty Bobcats! And aging hippies.

How many different languages can you converse in?
Does Pig Latin count?

What was your favorite subject in school?
Pig Latin. Getting pigs to speak German is easy. Latin? Not so much.

What fad were you involved in during junior high school that many would be surprised to learn?
I was heavily into cocaine.

If you could see any musical act or performer (dead or alive) in concert, who would it be?
I’d like to see Barry Manilow performing dead. I think that would be freakishly fine.

If you won the lottery, what is the first thing that you would buy or pay for?
I would pay my subscription to RichKern.com.

If you could have one super power, what would it be?
The power to melt cheese with my microwave. Oh, wait. I have that one. How about replacing shingles on my roof? This is REALLY a lot of questions. Maybe the strength to answer them all.

If a movie was made about your life, which actor or actress would you want to play you?
Scarlett Johansson. She’s really talented and good looking.

If you were stranded on a desert island, what three things would you take with you?
Rich Kern, Q-tips and a hammock.

If you could live in another time period for a week, which one would you choose?
The week after I’m dead. Just to see what people are saying. Either that or July 5-11, 1958.

If you could be on the cover of one magazine, which one would you choose?
Modern Bride. Or Post-Modern Bride.

What is the most “embarrassing” song on your iPod?
I don’t have a goddamned iPod! Weren’t you listening?!

What is your favorite holiday?
Arbor Day. Trees are a passion of mine. Ask any spruce.

What is your favorite season – winter, spring, summer or fall?
Summer. It reminds me of a really warm spring. Or a fall with leaves.

What is one off-the-court talent that you have?
I have no talents. I have spent my life trying to find one. No luck so far. I’m a pretty good speller.

What is your motto?
Har-motto.

What reality show (American Idol, the Apprentice, the Real World, Survivor, Big Brother, etc.) would you be best on?
Untalented Dweebs Who Can Spell.

What is your pet peeve?
Windshield wipers on a dry windshield. Lauren brought it up, but I agree. It would also make a good motto.

What communication tool do you use most often – text messaging, talking on the cell phone or e-mail?
The middle finger.

What can you tell us about you and Rich Kern?
It’s strictly platonic and it involves baked goods. I will say no more.