Dumpster Diving
From the NCAA release:
Points Required to Win a Set. (Rule 8.2.1, page 45)—The number of points required to win sets one through four is now 25. Rationale: There seems to be a reduction in the intensity of many contests in the middle of a set that is played to 30 points. The intention of this rule change is to increase fan and player focus and fan excitement. Additionally, the Division I Championship committee recommended this change. Note: the number of points required to win the fifth set remains at fifteen.
Where to start? I asked myself, before I told myself to stop talking to me. What was it exactly that tipped them off about this reduction in intensity anyhow? The guy in the third row yawning? The middle blocker facing the wrong way? The coach at the popcorn stand? No, wait a second. There’s nothing in there about coaches losing intensity. Hmmmm.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s commendable that the NCAA is interested in increasing fan and player focus, and turning up the excitement dial. Just the other day I was telling myself -- back when I was still on speaking terms with myself -- that I wished the NCAA cared more about me. It’s just that I never realized that the intensity was lagging or that I was losing focus. As a matter of fact, I had a scrabbling suspicion (much worse than a nagging suspicion, let me tell you) that the NCAA still didn’t care about me and that they were making things up as they went along.
What better way to dig for an answer in this figurative dumpster of questions than to dig through the literal dumpster holding the NCAA’s trash? Here’s what I discovered:
*There’s a lot of egg salad sandwiches being consumed at the NCAA headquarters. Is this significant? Perhaps. I’ve made a note.
*There are no answers to be had at the top of the NCAA’s dumpster of trash. There is only trash. Some of it is garbage. See above.
*The NCAA folks may be uncaring bastards, but they have pretty good hearing. No sooner had I climbed into their literal dumpster to dig for answers than a couple of NCAA thugs yanked me out of there faster than I could say “Cheese It! It’s the NCAA Thugs!” (By the way, they each wore a t-shirt with “NCAA Thug” stencilled on the back. I am not carelessly chucking aspersions about.)
*My apprehension turned out to work in my favor, in terms of my overall sleuthing. In between savage beatings at the hands of the aforementioned thugs, it allowed me to ask a few questions of the nice NCAA folks, the ones who were not savagely beating me, that is.
This is what I uncovered:
*It wasn’t just a reduction in intensity they were picking up on. There also seemed to be a lot of people thinking about elephants around point 15. They, so far, have been unable to figure out why this is so, but they are working on a solution involving monkeys and banjos.
*It also appeared, to them, that our underwear was making us uncomfortable. They are proposing “Commando Nights” in response.
*They are intrigued by the dimpled ball being tested by the FIVB. They would, however, like to see it larger -- “something on the order of a beach ball” they said.
*"Volleyball” is a non-starter in their opinion. “Zoom-zoomy” is their top choice.
It was just about there that I passed out.
Points Required to Win a Set. (Rule 8.2.1, page 45)—The number of points required to win sets one through four is now 25. Rationale: There seems to be a reduction in the intensity of many contests in the middle of a set that is played to 30 points. The intention of this rule change is to increase fan and player focus and fan excitement. Additionally, the Division I Championship committee recommended this change. Note: the number of points required to win the fifth set remains at fifteen.
Where to start? I asked myself, before I told myself to stop talking to me. What was it exactly that tipped them off about this reduction in intensity anyhow? The guy in the third row yawning? The middle blocker facing the wrong way? The coach at the popcorn stand? No, wait a second. There’s nothing in there about coaches losing intensity. Hmmmm.
Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s commendable that the NCAA is interested in increasing fan and player focus, and turning up the excitement dial. Just the other day I was telling myself -- back when I was still on speaking terms with myself -- that I wished the NCAA cared more about me. It’s just that I never realized that the intensity was lagging or that I was losing focus. As a matter of fact, I had a scrabbling suspicion (much worse than a nagging suspicion, let me tell you) that the NCAA still didn’t care about me and that they were making things up as they went along.
What better way to dig for an answer in this figurative dumpster of questions than to dig through the literal dumpster holding the NCAA’s trash? Here’s what I discovered:
*There’s a lot of egg salad sandwiches being consumed at the NCAA headquarters. Is this significant? Perhaps. I’ve made a note.
*There are no answers to be had at the top of the NCAA’s dumpster of trash. There is only trash. Some of it is garbage. See above.
*The NCAA folks may be uncaring bastards, but they have pretty good hearing. No sooner had I climbed into their literal dumpster to dig for answers than a couple of NCAA thugs yanked me out of there faster than I could say “Cheese It! It’s the NCAA Thugs!” (By the way, they each wore a t-shirt with “NCAA Thug” stencilled on the back. I am not carelessly chucking aspersions about.)
*My apprehension turned out to work in my favor, in terms of my overall sleuthing. In between savage beatings at the hands of the aforementioned thugs, it allowed me to ask a few questions of the nice NCAA folks, the ones who were not savagely beating me, that is.
This is what I uncovered:
*It wasn’t just a reduction in intensity they were picking up on. There also seemed to be a lot of people thinking about elephants around point 15. They, so far, have been unable to figure out why this is so, but they are working on a solution involving monkeys and banjos.
*It also appeared, to them, that our underwear was making us uncomfortable. They are proposing “Commando Nights” in response.
*They are intrigued by the dimpled ball being tested by the FIVB. They would, however, like to see it larger -- “something on the order of a beach ball” they said.
*"Volleyball” is a non-starter in their opinion. “Zoom-zoomy” is their top choice.
It was just about there that I passed out.
Labels: Rules
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2:38 PM
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