Blasting Away the Past -- Ask (R)uffda!
Because VBCOACH was kind enough to hang on to this and send me a copy, I'm re-running a VT thread, in several installments, from November of 2003:
(R)uffda! on Nov 4th, 2003, 10:31am
In an attempt to get 1,000 posts in record time, I am starting an advice column.
Or an information column.
Fire away. I'm at your service.
Sandvb on Nov 4th 10:39am
Since we're both posting at work: Is my job in danger trying to help you get to 1000 posts?
(R)uffda! 10:41am
Your job is absolutely not in danger from posting at work. Your job is in danger because of that open bottle of whiskey behind the fax machine.
Next?
(R)uffda! 10:40am
Bob, from Indiana, wants to know why chickens lay eggs.
Well, Bob, they tried laying toasters, but it was way too painful.
Next?
JT 11:06am
Aren't open bottles of whiskey fire hazards?
(R)uffda! 11:20am
This is a common misperception. Open bottles of whiskey are no more hazardous than oild-soaked newspapers or gas leaks.
However, as a precaution, please consider keeping your blowtorches and your liquor supply in different rooms.
Next?
Gorf 11:31am
What team will win the Women's D1 Volleyball championship this year?
(R)uffda! 11:36am
The smartass response would be the team that wins 3 games wins the final, but that's the sort of response you would give.
USC will be upset by the winner of the Hawaii-Florida match.
Or USC will win it all.
Next?
RayB14 11:40am
(R)uffda,
Could you please be a little more specific about the winner of this year's women's D1 volleyball championship ...
Which team will be holding up the national championship trophy?
(Oh, yeah, and I need some advice too .. should I buy the black one or the red one?)
(R)uffda! 11:48am
OK. More specific. USC.
Unless they lose to Hawaii or Florida.
I would go with the red dress. It matches those pumps you just bought.
Next?
BonJoeV 11:42am
(R)uffda!,
What are your qualifications to take on such a lofty enterprise?
Enquiring minds want to know? ;)
(R)uffda! 11:55am
I'm not sure I like your tone, young man, but I'll give you the doubt of the benefit.
I spent 10 years with the Tibetan monks of ... well, Tibet. I found inner peace and some really cool rocks.
I have played co-rec volleyball at the St. Paul YMCA and will be playing in a men's league starting this Wednesday. So I know which side of the VB the valve is on, if you know what I mean.
I graduated cum laude from a local college of high academic standing. I would have graduated summa cum laude, but I thought it was something else.
I can tell you how thick a spine needs to be on a 336pp perfect bound book using 50# offset.
But, above all else, I am an empathetic (as opposed to pathetic) guy who cares about my fellow human beings. I will not, I could not, steer you wrong.
Unless, of course, you get on my bad side.
Next?
(R)uffda! 11:45am
Barefoot in Kailua writes:
"Dear (R)uffda!
As you may or may not know, I was a huge supporter of the invasion of Iraq, convinced by my president that there were not only WMD, but that Saddam was about to use them.
Turns out, my president was either lying or incredibly stupid. My question is, how do I admit to all my VT buddies that I was not only wrong, but that I was probably duped by the dumbest man alive?
Sincerely, BIK"
Well, BIK, these things happen -- and actually happen quite often to Republicans.
My advice to you is to go down to the beach, soak those bare feet in the waters of the Pacific, and ask your own personal deity, whoever that is, for forgiveness.
You can be damned sure your "buddies" at VT will never forgive you.
Beyond that, a $1000 check to the Democratic Party would probably be in order. And remember: those who keep making the same mistakes over and over join the GOP.
Next?
Gorf 11:57am
Why does life in the fast lane seem to be going so slow today?
(R)uffda! 12:12pm
Ask (R)uffda! is now sponsored by Smuckers Jams. Buy them. Buy lots!
Because the guy in the BMW who forced you to the right lane 10 miles back just hit a moose.
But what I'm really hearing here, Gorf, is a man in pain. And I'm not talking about the guy in the BMW with the moose antlers sticking through his torso. I'm talking about you!
Have you ever thought that maybe the fast lane is just not where you and your '73 Dodge Duster should be? Have you ever thought about heading down to the beach and joining BiK in a good soak in the ocean? Granted, it's a little tougher for you being in Minnesota and all, but there are alternatives. Your bathtub, for instance. I'm sure BiK would like that even more than the calming waters of the Pacific.
My point is this: You need to simplify your life. Toss out all those DVDs and Toys o' Perversion and embrace your Inner Gorf!
Gorf 12:23pm
Will you actually reach 1000 posts before being deleted again?
Will you actually reach 1000 posts, will you do so before IB reaches the 4000 post level?
FWIW: Dodge made the Demon (part of the Dart body line) while Plymouth made the Duster. Plymouth no longer produces cars.
(R)uffda! 12:38pm
You are correct. It was a Dodge Dart. I was just testing you. But, aside from that, it was a metaphor. Let it go, Gorf. Let it go. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Continue breathing until I tell you to stop. (Don't want there to be any confusion on that point.)
1000 posts was also a metaphor. 1000 to one person is 3 to another, less intelligent, person.
I will be deleted when I am deleted. Words to live your life by.
I am not concerned with other people's post size. I am comfortable with my own. Also words to live by. Maybe even better than that "deleted" BS above.
Next?
Serendipity 12:26pm
What's so great about Minnesota? And are there really 10,000 lakes there?
(R)uffda! 12:44pm
There are, in fact, more than 10,000 lakes here, not including ponds and that puddle over on Snelling. If you want the exact number, you will need to Ask (R)uffda! (The Smuckers people are paying close attention to the numbers here.)
What's so great about Minnesota? Well, it starts with these lakes, ground out of the fertile soil by advancing and retreating glaciers many, many years ago. You have not lived until you have sat by one of those natural wonders on a warm summer evening, with the mosquitoes sucking every last drop of blood from your veins, and the loons chuckling out in the water somewhere.
Talk about your natural high!
I could go on and on, but there are many more questions to answer, so let's just say it's the lakes.
(R)uffda! on Nov 4th, 2003, 10:31am
In an attempt to get 1,000 posts in record time, I am starting an advice column.
Or an information column.
Fire away. I'm at your service.
Sandvb on Nov 4th 10:39am
Since we're both posting at work: Is my job in danger trying to help you get to 1000 posts?
(R)uffda! 10:41am
Your job is absolutely not in danger from posting at work. Your job is in danger because of that open bottle of whiskey behind the fax machine.
Next?
(R)uffda! 10:40am
Bob, from Indiana, wants to know why chickens lay eggs.
Well, Bob, they tried laying toasters, but it was way too painful.
Next?
JT 11:06am
Aren't open bottles of whiskey fire hazards?
(R)uffda! 11:20am
This is a common misperception. Open bottles of whiskey are no more hazardous than oild-soaked newspapers or gas leaks.
However, as a precaution, please consider keeping your blowtorches and your liquor supply in different rooms.
Next?
Gorf 11:31am
What team will win the Women's D1 Volleyball championship this year?
(R)uffda! 11:36am
The smartass response would be the team that wins 3 games wins the final, but that's the sort of response you would give.
USC will be upset by the winner of the Hawaii-Florida match.
Or USC will win it all.
Next?
RayB14 11:40am
(R)uffda,
Could you please be a little more specific about the winner of this year's women's D1 volleyball championship ...
Which team will be holding up the national championship trophy?
(Oh, yeah, and I need some advice too .. should I buy the black one or the red one?)
(R)uffda! 11:48am
OK. More specific. USC.
Unless they lose to Hawaii or Florida.
I would go with the red dress. It matches those pumps you just bought.
Next?
BonJoeV 11:42am
(R)uffda!,
What are your qualifications to take on such a lofty enterprise?
Enquiring minds want to know? ;)
(R)uffda! 11:55am
I'm not sure I like your tone, young man, but I'll give you the doubt of the benefit.
I spent 10 years with the Tibetan monks of ... well, Tibet. I found inner peace and some really cool rocks.
I have played co-rec volleyball at the St. Paul YMCA and will be playing in a men's league starting this Wednesday. So I know which side of the VB the valve is on, if you know what I mean.
I graduated cum laude from a local college of high academic standing. I would have graduated summa cum laude, but I thought it was something else.
I can tell you how thick a spine needs to be on a 336pp perfect bound book using 50# offset.
But, above all else, I am an empathetic (as opposed to pathetic) guy who cares about my fellow human beings. I will not, I could not, steer you wrong.
Unless, of course, you get on my bad side.
Next?
(R)uffda! 11:45am
Barefoot in Kailua writes:
"Dear (R)uffda!
As you may or may not know, I was a huge supporter of the invasion of Iraq, convinced by my president that there were not only WMD, but that Saddam was about to use them.
Turns out, my president was either lying or incredibly stupid. My question is, how do I admit to all my VT buddies that I was not only wrong, but that I was probably duped by the dumbest man alive?
Sincerely, BIK"
Well, BIK, these things happen -- and actually happen quite often to Republicans.
My advice to you is to go down to the beach, soak those bare feet in the waters of the Pacific, and ask your own personal deity, whoever that is, for forgiveness.
You can be damned sure your "buddies" at VT will never forgive you.
Beyond that, a $1000 check to the Democratic Party would probably be in order. And remember: those who keep making the same mistakes over and over join the GOP.
Next?
Gorf 11:57am
Why does life in the fast lane seem to be going so slow today?
(R)uffda! 12:12pm
Ask (R)uffda! is now sponsored by Smuckers Jams. Buy them. Buy lots!
Because the guy in the BMW who forced you to the right lane 10 miles back just hit a moose.
But what I'm really hearing here, Gorf, is a man in pain. And I'm not talking about the guy in the BMW with the moose antlers sticking through his torso. I'm talking about you!
Have you ever thought that maybe the fast lane is just not where you and your '73 Dodge Duster should be? Have you ever thought about heading down to the beach and joining BiK in a good soak in the ocean? Granted, it's a little tougher for you being in Minnesota and all, but there are alternatives. Your bathtub, for instance. I'm sure BiK would like that even more than the calming waters of the Pacific.
My point is this: You need to simplify your life. Toss out all those DVDs and Toys o' Perversion and embrace your Inner Gorf!
Gorf 12:23pm
Will you actually reach 1000 posts before being deleted again?
Will you actually reach 1000 posts, will you do so before IB reaches the 4000 post level?
FWIW: Dodge made the Demon (part of the Dart body line) while Plymouth made the Duster. Plymouth no longer produces cars.
(R)uffda! 12:38pm
You are correct. It was a Dodge Dart. I was just testing you. But, aside from that, it was a metaphor. Let it go, Gorf. Let it go. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Continue breathing until I tell you to stop. (Don't want there to be any confusion on that point.)
1000 posts was also a metaphor. 1000 to one person is 3 to another, less intelligent, person.
I will be deleted when I am deleted. Words to live your life by.
I am not concerned with other people's post size. I am comfortable with my own. Also words to live by. Maybe even better than that "deleted" BS above.
Next?
Serendipity 12:26pm
What's so great about Minnesota? And are there really 10,000 lakes there?
(R)uffda! 12:44pm
There are, in fact, more than 10,000 lakes here, not including ponds and that puddle over on Snelling. If you want the exact number, you will need to Ask (R)uffda! (The Smuckers people are paying close attention to the numbers here.)
What's so great about Minnesota? Well, it starts with these lakes, ground out of the fertile soil by advancing and retreating glaciers many, many years ago. You have not lived until you have sat by one of those natural wonders on a warm summer evening, with the mosquitoes sucking every last drop of blood from your veins, and the loons chuckling out in the water somewhere.
Talk about your natural high!
I could go on and on, but there are many more questions to answer, so let's just say it's the lakes.
Labels: Ask (R)uffda
posted by (R)uffda! at
12:25 PM
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