Asketh (R)uffda!

What’s with the dog blogging? I come to (R)uffda!’s blog to read blogs by (R)uffda!, oddly enough. Can’t you keep the mutt off the computer?

First of all, I find it hard to believe anyone comes to this blog to read blogs by yours truly. My guess is anyone who visits here has ended up here by accident. This leads me to believe you are a fictitious poster OR Luke.

Second of all, do not underestimate the powers of dead dogs. I know I won’t. Again.


What’s your take on USAV’s chances in the Olympics?

I have gone on record guaranteeing a medal for the women. You can take that to the bank, as long as it’s not IndyMac.

As for the men, it depends on the Swedes. If they have an off Olympics, who knows?


You do know Sweden did not qualify a volleyball team for the Olympics, right?

Right. Tell me another one.


Which do you prefer, briefs or boxers?

Briefs, because boxers don’t fit under my pants -- and, believe me, I’ve tried. Not even a fly weight works.


What did you think of the new Batman movie?

I couldn’t follow it. But Heath Ledger was cool. He made Jack Nicholson look like Ronald Macdonald.


Didn’t you use that joke over on VolleyTalk?

No, I don’t think so.


Yes, you did. Does it bother you when you start ripping off yourself?

Not as much as being smacked with a stick. Or a shovel. Or a shopping cart. I don’t like being smacked by most anything, to tell you the truth. Even cotton candy would get me all sticky.

Who’s going to win it all this year?

All what?


The volleyball title. You know, the NCAA title.

No clue. Stanford, I guess.


Why?

(R)uffda!’s Law. Just when things look like they can’t get any worse The Cardinal will win another volleyball title.

Insomniac waxes nostalgic

I didn’t sleep at all last night. I can’t understand it either, because I took a pill. I may have to double the dose tonight, I don’t know.

The volleyball season is rapidly approaching. I’d like to say I’m filled with excitement and that I’m giddy with anticipation. But that’d make me sound a little too 10-year-old girlish, so I better not. I can’t say I’m all that worked up about it anyhow. I’m sure that’ll change, but for now it really just seems like too much of the same old same old, with some stupid rules changes thrown in to annoy me.

It makes me wax nostalgic for my first encounters with the sport, and nothing beats waxing nostalgic (unless nostalgic doesn’t want to be waxed). I can trace my interest in volleyball back to a company picnic in the 80s. I’d known about volleyball before then, of course. I’d even played it. But on that particular day, several of us decided to up the level of intensity -- hell, we were actually setting each other and diving for the ball -- and in doing so we were treated to a thin slice of what the sport really has to offer. I think we probably ticked off quite a few of our fellow employees as well, but too bad for them.

Before long, we had a company team in a bar league. Then I was playing at the Y, where I met my wife (who was not my wife at the time I met her, because that wouldn’t make sense now would it?). Then I was on a USAV team in a really ugly uniform. It didn’t take too long after that before I had a right shoulder that was basically useless. I became a setter for a while, but I was destined to take a seat as a spectator -- and that’s a poor substitute for actually playing.

Maybe I need to crash a picnic somewhere?

VolleyTalk at Ten

As (R)uffda! has once again taken a faux Tylenol PM and headed off to bed (unaware that I replaced the pills in the bottle with faux Tylenol Get-a-buzz-on), let's take a gander at what's doing at VolleyTalk this fine evening.

Let's see. What are the HOT topics? Hmmmm. "Not again ... Indiana setters" seems slightly intriguing. I'm thinking it's about volleyball setters, however, which is NOT intriguing in the least, especially ones from Indiana.

"Volleyballers with disabilities" is NOT a hot topic. I wonder why not? I wonder what kind of disabilities these volleyballers have? I wonder if they are Indianan? But not enough to actually open the thread.

"Foluke touches 351cm?" What can that mean? And why is it a question?

"What now?" someone asks, perhaps pleads. Is this a cry for help? An existential yelp of despair? God, I hope not. Does it have anything to do with the 351cm that Foluke touched? Is the poster wondering if Foluke is stalking the 352nd cm?

Well, this is a waste of time. Let's check out who's on-line at the moment. Maybe it'll be one of our favorites. Uh, no. Although I do see there's someone named "montanamoonshine" on board. Oops. Gone now. Age 36. 67 posts so far. Really? How'd I miss those? Never mind. I just ran a list. No wonder.

Well, that's about it for VolleyTalk at Ten. Time to take a real faux Tylenol PM and get some beauty sleep. I can already hear (R)uffda! tossing and turning upstairs. Poor schmuck's going to be up all night.

The Dark Knight and Greg Norman

Apparently, we (and I use “we” loosely here) are at the mercy of the AVCA in regards to any progress being made in this enterprise. (R)uffda! tells me he is powerless to proceed without their preview. I tell him he is powerless to proceed without some sort of spine in that gelatinous blob he calls a body. He tells me to go chase a stick. I tell him only if I can shove it up his ... well. Things get testy. Let’s leave it at that.

Meanwhile, a weekend has slid on by and I am left to face my canvas with no paint on my palette. Speaking of stupid palettes, what’s the deal with the thumb hole? Real useful, that.

I didn’t make it to see The Dark Knight. Sorry for the bait and switch. I didn’t watch any of the British Open either. When did Greg Norman and Chris Evert become an item? No one ever tells me anything. I remember when it was Greg and Jimbo prancing around Wimbledon together. Or do I have that wrong?

Anyhow. We wait.

Another day, another update

I’m beginning to have my doubts about (R)uffda!’s process. Do you know what he did last night? He went to see Hancock and then came home and cleaned a little before going to bed. OK, I was shocked about the cleaning part, too, but the point is there was NO ranking being done.

He liked Hancock, but said it was probably a little too intelligent for the average movie-going-dolt. Which is ironic, really, since “average movie-going-dolt” is exactly how I’d describe him -- if I was forced to describe him.

Anyhow, I pushed him a little.

“You want some more teams, doggie?” he finally replied (and, for the record, I hate being called doggie). “Texas and Florida will be top 5. USC and U-dub may be close. I have to think about it. Cal Poly, Nebraska, Long Beach, Cal, UCLA should all be Top-tenish. Maybe. Is Crimes done at LBSU? I forget. Now get the HELL out of my bed!”

There you have it:

1--Penn State
2--Stanford (maybe)
3--Texas
4--Florida
5--USC (maybe)
6--Washington (maybe)
Close--Cal Poly, Nebraska, Long Beach (maybe), Cal, UCLA

I’m off to work on today’s Sudoku.

Rankings continued

He’s back.

“Number one and two are no-brainers,” he says. That’ll sure come in handy for him, I think. I laugh at my own joke.

“What’s so damned funny?” he asks. Nothing, I think, except for those jammies. I laugh at this joke, too. He glares at me, mumbles something unintelligible and then clams up. I am quickly bored. Telling jokes to oneself will do that. I wait for him to continue.

“Penn State is number one and Stanford, dammit, is number two,” he says at last. “Of course,” he continues, “The Cardinal have to replace Kehoe and we’re still not sure who’s on the Olympic team. Flukey and Barbie could be tired. We can hope.”

I don’t like (R)uffda! calling Akinradewo and Barboza “Flukey” and “Barbie”. It implies a familiarity which does not exist.

“What the hell are you typing?” he says and comes to read over my shoulder. “What the bleep?! You can’t type that!”

Carte blanche, I type.

“You don’t even know what it means!” he shouts.

I looked it up, I type. Doofus, I add, for good measure.

“FINE!” he says, and stomps off.

So this is what we have so far:

1--Penn State
2--Stanford (maybe)

All of this without the AVCA Preview, no less!

Ranking the teams, a blog

Luke here. (R)uffda! has asked me to document (i.e., blog about) his efforts to rank the Top 30 teams for the 2008 season. My first reaction was, of course, Why the bleep would I want to do that? This was actually my second, third and fourth reactions, as well. But the poor guy claims he can’t possibly rank the teams and blog about the experience. He says he’s already stretched too thin -- a particularly poor metaphor in his case, I might add -- and promises me carte blanche with my reports. I have no idea what this means, but he tells me it’s good.

How could I say no?

Right off the bat, there is a problem. He has begun his work dressed solely in his underwear. I make it perfectly clear that this was in NO WAY part of the deal and that either he gets dressed now or I walk.

He returns in his jammies, clutching his rankings from 2007, PrepVolleyball’s Top College Recruiting Classes of 2008, Pablo’s final 2007 ratings, and what appears to be a copy of Volleyball Rankings for Dummies. I’m not sure he’s risen to that level, but be that as it may. Be that as it might. Be that as it will. Whatever.

“Where the hell is the AVCA preview?” he asks his computer screen. “Shut up!” he says to me, even though I am only typing. He’s testy.

Apparently, this is an important item, this AVCA preview. He swears a few times, tosses all his materials at me, and says he’s headed to the couch for a nap.

Such excitement. I wonder what’s on A&E?