Howling

I have decided to have this so-called Luke put down. I know he is already dead, but obviously he needs another shot. Possibly a higher dose even. I contemplated re-enacting that terrible scene in Lassie Gets Snuffed when the old girl came down with rabies and Timmy had to blow her away with his Dad’s shotgun. Or maybe that was Old Yeller. I don’t own a shotgun, however. Regardless, Luke and (Arf)da!’s blogs will come to an end. I can’t have this mutt making volleyball prognostications in my blog. I just can’t.

Speaking of Luke -- the real Luke, that is -- when he was older, with his hearing all but gone, and he seemed to float around the house in a bubble of his own flatulence, I would often come home to find him splayed on the dining room table, howling up a storm. I have no idea what he was complaining about, assuming he was even complaining, but I’ve always thought he was no longer willing to suffer the slings and arrows of his own outrageous fortune, and was telling the world to back off. Chances are, he was just hungry, but I’ll believe what I want to believe.

Anyhow, that Luke will be my role model for a series of periodic, curmudegeonly blogs which I have decided to call


Howling While Splayed on the Dining Room Table


You might wonder how these blogs differ from the Pet Peeves blogs. Well, that’s like asking what’s the difference between a rainy day and a monsoon. I will only ascend to the dining room table, spread-out, and howl like hell when I am seriously worked up about something. Picture BarefootInKailua’s state of mind when he went bonkers a few years back about the Selection Committee. BiK was on the dining room table. I’m pretty sure there was plenty of flatulence involved, too.

So what’s got my goat today? Well, oddly enough, somebody has literally taken my goat. He was just in the backyard a couple of seconds ago, cutting the grass, and now he’s gone. So I have that to deal with, but what’s figuratively gotten my goat is that damned AVCA poll. The New Mexico Prickly State Aggies are ranked #20 this week. That’s at least 4 spots too low for this fine team in my book, but beyond that I’ve done the math on their ranking. If all 60 voters had at least placed the Aggies at #20, the team would have 360 points. They have 338. What are the implications here? Let’s say 50 voters did put them at #20. That’s 300 points. This means the other 10 voters would have had to average just under a #22 placement for the team to total 338 points! This, my friends, is an outrage. And someone shall be held accountable!

The question is who? Since I don’t have access to the voting records (although I am working on that), I am left with no choice except to pick one AVCA voter, at random, and read him or her the riot act. I have decided to exclude the alternates since they already have to live with the shame of not being a regular voter -- what do they say to their parents? I have decided instead to ask a co-worker to pick a number between 1 and 60. Hold on. I’ll ask Tom.

Tom picked 57. And voter 57 in the alphabetical AVCA list is – drumroll, please -- Deanne Webb of Belmont!

First, let’s check out their website for some background on Deanne. Hmmm. Belmont is currently 14-6 overall, and 4-1 in the Atlantic Sun Conference. Not too shabby. The Bruins’, for they are indeed the Belmont Bruins, most recent match was a 3-0 win over Stetson, on October 6th. Checking the boxscore, we see they were sparked by Jaye Schuler and setter Colleen Nilson, who both hit .357. Colleen added 37 assists. From a review of the team stats, we must toss Jaye some additional props for her .400+ hitting percentage on the year.

Now, then. We turn our attention to our random scapegoat, Coach Webb. What sort of resume does Deanne have, anyhow? Let’s read the bio. Well, here’s a bit of irony. It turns out the coach is Deane Webb, not Deanne Webb as listed at the AVCA site.

Man. That sucks the wind right out of my Balloon of Wrath. Pffffffffffth, you might say, if you were attempting to mimic a Balloon of Wrath having its wind sucked out. How can I come down on a guy who is listed as a woman on the AVCA voter roster? I can’t, that’s what.

Nothing to be done but to climb down from the table and find something else to do. We’ll try again next week.

Hey, Deane! Keep up the good work -- and e-mail the AVCA. Better yet, climb on up on the dining room table and let 'em have it!